Business Insider reports that the nation’s third-largest alcohol company, Constellation Brands—makers of pig-swill beer that you may have consumed when the choices were between their brands (Corona and Modelo, among others) or something worse (Mickey’s Big Mouth, a quart jar of rat urine, or combined sewer overflow)—made an investment on Monday of $191 million into Canadian cannabis holding company Canopy Growth. While you may not be familiar with them (hey, they’re Canadian!), Canopy Growth is presently acknowledged as being the largest cannabis producer in the world. (Does largest mean best? No, it does not. See also: McDonald’s.)
The investment will given Constellation Brands a 9.9 percent ownership stake in Canopy, making them the largest stockholder, and they join Snoop Dogg and former NBA player John Salley as investors. “Our company’s success is the result of our focus on identifying early-stage consumer trends, and this is another step in that direction,” said Constellation Brands CEO Rob Sands. They plan to produce collaborative cannabis-infused beverages to be sold in states where they are “legal on a Federal level,” so, you know, good luck with that.So will you now get to choke down their nearly unpalatable “beer” with the option of getting a slight stoney buzz? Not so fast. “There’s no need to include alcohol, nor is there an intent to include alcohol in how we follow through with things,” Canopy CEO Bruce Linton told the Chicago Tribune.
Although we all knew that the legalization of cannabis for adult use in states would result in a commodification of mary jane—placing it on par with pork bellies, copper futures, and cotton—it’s disheartening and eyeroll-inducing that a Fortune 500 company that produces alcohol is making a foray into cannabis. For years, the alcohol and big pharma industries have heavily supported efforts to curtail cannabis legalization, fearful that it would reduce alcohol and prescription consumption. And while legal weed would be better for consumer health, public safety, and crime rates, it would impact the booze producers’ bottom line, and, well, we can’t have that.
Screw that. Oregon has better craft beer and cannabis. Corporate beer and weed, like most things corporate, sucks.
credit:portlandmercury.com
